I masturbated last night

And lots of nights, actually. But last night stands out because I spent a little time at Good Vibrations in Berkeley after work, perusing the toys and the books and realizing that I've lost valuable years in not giving masturbation its due and thinking about it in the way I treat other good things in my life: my yoga, the meditation I can't really get into, the massage I can't really afford on a regular basis.

I've been thinking about masturbation differently lately, mostly because I've had the privilege of working on Getting Off: A Woman's Guide to Masturbation, by Jamye Waxman, which will be available in October and is a superawesome book. I hadn't considered its fabulous side effects---mood-enhancement, the fact that it gives your skin that FFG (Freshly Fucked Glow) without you even having to deal with your partner, that it makes you feel more self-confident. (Yeah, I know, get on it, right?)

My college boyfriend was very pro-masturbation. At the time I remember thinking how interesting it was that he treated it almost like a sport. For him, the release was a big part of whether or not he felt relaxed. He was a golfer and refused to compete without getting off before a tournament. It was very matter-of-fact, and it was very much a part of his life. No excuses. No issues there for him. I, on the other hand, never talked to him about my own masturbating, never did it in front of him, never talked to my girlfriends about it. Meanwhile, he was as likely to talk about it at a dinner party as he was the weather or what he ate for breakfast that morning. After my initial amusement, I came to admire him for it. He had zero sexual hang-ups. (He was European, and I've always imagined that played a role.) Only now, in my early thirties, am I finally catching up with his attitudes about the M-Word. When I first read the proposal for Getting Off I thought about why it's important for women to have their own masturbation book---we don't talk about it the same way men do---and in working on the book I've come to admire Jamye the same way I admired my ex. It's a good topic! We don't talk about it enough. Next time you're out try telling someone about your latest go-round. It's a fabulous conversation starter.

---Brooke